Pasangan yang berpacaran dalam waktu cukup lama biasanya akan melanjutkan ke jenjang pernikahan.
Namun tak sedikit pula pasangan yang sudah lama bersama justru hubungannya harus kandas di tengah jalan.
Kemudian muncullah istilah 'menjaga jodoh orang'.
Fenomena seperti ini juga terjadi pada sejumlah selebritas tanah air.
Sebut saja Laudya Cynthia Bella dan Chicco Jerikho yang telah berpacaran 5 tahun, Acha Septriasa dan Irwansyah, Gracia Indri dan Samuel Zylgwyn, Donna Agnesia dan Okan Cornelius, Deswita Maharani dan Taufik Hidayat, serta Shireen Sungkar dan Adly Fairuz.
Melansir dari psychologytoday, ada beberapa hal yang menyebabkan pasangan kekasih akhirnya memutuskan berpisah setelah bertahun-tahun bersama.
Hilang kepercayaan
Hilangnya kepercayaan adalah salah satu masalah paling berbahaya dalam sebuah hubungan.
Masalah kepercayaan dapat mencakup faktor-faktor seperti cemburu, posesif, kekakuan tidak masuk akal, emosional perselingkuhan, perselingkuhan fisik/seksual, kurangnya kepercayaan dan keandalan, kurangnya dukungan emosional, kurangnya kompatibilitas keuangan, dan kurangnya saling mendukung tujuan.
Beda prinsip dan prioritas
Tidak mudah bagi pasangan untuk berjalan bersama untuk waktu yang lama.
Semakin lama bersama, semakin banyak pula perbedaan yang akan ditemukan, termasuk prioritas, prinsip dan tujuan.
Komunikasi kurang
Sejumlah penelitian telah mengidentifikasi komunikasi (atau kurangnya komunikasi) sebagai salah satu alasan utama untuk putus.
Narsisme
Kelompok riset Mayo Clinic mendefinisikan gangguan kepribadian narsistik sebagai 'gangguan mental di mana orang merasa dirinya penting dan dikagumi orang.'
Narsisme sering ditandai oleh kurangnya keintiman dalam hubungan.
Tindakan narsisme mencakup kesombongan diri, superioritas terhadap pasangan, egois, pencitraan, tidak bertanggung jawab, serta menghina pasangan.
Pelecehan relasional
Pelecehan relasional didefinisikan sebagai penganiayaan yang berulang dari seorang individu.
Contoh pelecehan relasional termasuk verbal, emosional, fisik, atau pelecehan seksual.
Lalu sebenarnya, berapa lama waktu pacaran yang ideal menurut para pakar?
Melansir dari verylmag, dalam studi Penn State University yang disebut proyek PAIR, Profesor Ted L.Huston meneliti 168 pasangan pengantin baru selama 14 tahun dan memetakan kebahagiaan hubungan pasangan masing-masing.
Hasil penelitian menunjukkan bahwa pasangan yang rata-rata berpacaran selama 25 bulan sebelum menikah memiliki pernikahan paling bahagia.
Sementara itu pasangan yang terburu-buru menikah, rata-rata hanya berpacaran 18 bulan kebanyakan bercerai setelah usia pernikahan lebih dari 7 tahun.
Penelitian lain dari Emory University telah mensurvei lebih dari 3.000 orang di Amerika Serikat yang telah menikah.
Hasilnya adalah pacaran selama 1-2 tahun menurunkan risiko perceraian hingga 20% daripada yang masa pacarannya kurang dari satu tahun.
Pacaran hingga 3 tahun akan lebih besar mengurangi risiko perceraian dan seterusnya.
Jadi menurut penelitian ini, semakin lama waktu pacaran, semakin kecil pula risiko untuk bercerai setelah menikah.
Namun, perlu diingat bahwa lamanya waktu pacaran bukan satu-satunya penentu kelanggengan hubungan.
Hampir semua ahli merekomendasikan setahun sebagai waktu yang sehat untuk pacaran sebelum menikah.
"Saya menyarankan minimal satu tahun agar masing-masing pasangan memiliki pemahaman yang baik dan jelas tentang apa yang mereka cari dari pasangan," kata Stephen J. Betchen, DSW, penulis Magnetic Partners.
John Amodeo, MFT, penulis Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships setuju bahwa kencan satu hingga dua tahun adalah yang paling aman.
Meski demikian, para ahli juga setuju bahwa keberhasilan pernikahan lebih berkaitan dengan kesiapan diri daripada lamanya waktu pacaran.
Amodeo juga mengakui bahwa kesiapan banyak berkaitan dengan situasi unik setiap pasangan.
"Saya pikir tidak ada waktu yang tepat, karena setiap orang dan situasinya sedikit berbeda. Dan tingkat kematangan bervariasi," katanya.
Menurut Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., penulis The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships , aturan "dua tahun" cukup masuk akal, tetapi "pasangan yang berbeda memiliki keadaan yang sangat berbeda."
Fokus pada kesiapan diri untuk menikah lebih penting daripada menghitung lamanya waktu pacaran sebelum menikah.
Sumber Artikel
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CONCLUSION
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Sukanya D is an individual from the group behind 3dtelecom.co.uk. 3D Telecom is one of the quickest developing business correspondence organizations in the UK, which offers small Business Phone Service among different services.
